Here is a fun little tale from the pages of Heartless history. Perfect for theYOLD.
But first, I feel like it needs some music to keep you company.
So, the year was around 1988 I think. I had recently graduated from High School (barely) and was slumming it around L.A. and going to Junior College. I had been living in the valley with this kid I went to High School with. We had a two bedroom. He was Gay... but I was clueless. I didn't really look at people in those terms. Sure, I met him in my theatre class in High School. Sure, he was somewhat flamboyant (not overly mind you). Sure, he was very much into George Michael. Sure.... you get the point. I even remember my parents saying to me "You know he's Gay, right?" Since he wasn't open about it, it wasn't my place to judge or make assumptions. Well, maybe he was open about it... just not to me. I just thought he was a funny guy. Anyway, I digress. I'm just painting the picture of the time.
Eventually, we both moved out. I remember I came down with Mono and moved into my dad's place for the summer. I would eventually get my own studio apartment in Studio City. I was enjoying being on my own (although I was completely learning as I went). Paying bills, pushing my credit cards to the max, and spending my savings. I didn't have much "game" yet with the ladies, however, I was getting into DJing college parties and that actually helped in the "hook up" department. Everyone loves a DJ at a party ;) - even this runty kid.
So now comes the story. Mind you, I don't think there is a moral to this one, rather it's kind of entertaining. Perhaps karmic in nature. So, once upon a time, in the magical land of Westwood, CA there was a place called Fun Trax. Yes, with an "X" because it was hip. It was one of those places you went to record yourself singing some of your favorite hit songs. Not only that, they had a room where you and your friends could video yourselves busting out the jamz (with a "Z" because it's hip). I remember going in there and meeting the hot blonde behind the counter (I can't remember her name now). Her job was simply to help you pick a song, set you up, and send you on your way - cassette of the experience in hand.
Immediately, I was crushing on this girl... I mean she was fawking hawt! I can't remember if she had a boyfriend or had broken up with him.... whatever. It doesn't matter. All I know is I suddenly became the character Mark "Rat" Ratner in Fast Times. Damone's speech rings in my ear: "You bought $40 worth of fucking film and you didn't even talk to her. You don't even own a camera." OK, it wasn't that bad, but I went there a lot whether it was to make tapes or just say "hey". Like I said, I was crushing hard and at that point was actually living in Westwood, so it was oh so easy to stop in. Of course, she wasn't interested, but I think that's common kind of crush to have. And just to reiterate... the girl was hawt.... like I said - FAWKING HAWT.
I remember one time my step brother and I went in and cut a hilarious version of the Def Leppard jam "Pour Some Sugar On Me" -- yes it still exists somewhere.
So, how does this story end? Oh -- here it comes. So anyway. Some years pass. I went on to lose my virginity, go away to a real college, etc. Life was happening and I moved on from the Fun Trax (with an "X") girl. Years later my phone rings... it's her. She's sounds cool on the phone and we have a brief catch up. She suggests we get together. I'm down - Fun Trax was a hawty! I go out to wherever she lives (I remember it sure wasn't close to Westwood). I get there and ring the doorbell. Her mom answers and greets me with a pleasant smile - like she's heard good things about me. Like she's glad I'm there to hang with her daughter. Then Fun Trax comes out....and...well -- the girl was now the opposite of the hot, thin blonde I met years prior. The only thing that was the same was the color of her hair. She had packed on some pounds - she was no longer Fun Trax, she was Fat Trax. I have a recollection that she may have said on the phone she had gained a little weight - I can't exactly recall. But, this wasn't a little weight. Fuck "Pour Some Sugar on Me"... this girl must have been pouring sugar all over everything!
The date itself is a little hazy - but I do remember sitting in her room watching a movie at the end of the night. I think she wanted to make-out, but I wasn't interested. I didn't fool around with her or anything. Suddenly she was interested and I wasn't. Now, don't take this as me being mean, but come on - the girl only took a liking to me AFTER she was no longer desirable to the men she was fond of. Come on... that's messed up, right?
Anyway the movie ended, I headed for the door, said goodnight, and never saw her again. I hope she ended up meeting someone and getting everything she wanted.
I hope that wasn't anti climatic. It's just a funny memory I have. One of many. I like that I can recall these things. They're fun to think about sometimes.
Anyway, thanks for listening... as always.
Sleepy Sleep
The Year Of Loving Dangerously
3/29/11
You see? Even the mighty can fall.
As great as it all was, I knew this day would come. The good news is when you're aware that a day like this is possible you are at least somewhat ready when the emotion hits you. I think it's how one gets through these tough times. A part of you inside knows that these moments come and go and so having faith in ones self helps power through.
Here is what I know about myself. I crave attention. I don't necessarily think it's in an unhealthy way. But I do love the interaction with another person be it physical or simply intellectual. I like interaction, it's why I'm good at my job.
Now I'm the first to say that life needs to be a balance so too much of anything isn't a good thing. This is a moment I need to get through... and get through it I will (in my worst Yoda voice).
I'm not going to write on and on about this because I don't think it'll make me feel better. I just need to deal with it. I am sure there are a lot of you out there who wrestle with it. I don't think I'll ever be comfortable with being alone... I don't think I'm built that way. I can tolerate it, which is important... but I don't have to like it.
Time to shut my eyes and get a sensible night's sleep.
Goodnight you lovely people.
H
As great as it all was, I knew this day would come. The good news is when you're aware that a day like this is possible you are at least somewhat ready when the emotion hits you. I think it's how one gets through these tough times. A part of you inside knows that these moments come and go and so having faith in ones self helps power through.
Here is what I know about myself. I crave attention. I don't necessarily think it's in an unhealthy way. But I do love the interaction with another person be it physical or simply intellectual. I like interaction, it's why I'm good at my job.
Now I'm the first to say that life needs to be a balance so too much of anything isn't a good thing. This is a moment I need to get through... and get through it I will (in my worst Yoda voice).
I'm not going to write on and on about this because I don't think it'll make me feel better. I just need to deal with it. I am sure there are a lot of you out there who wrestle with it. I don't think I'll ever be comfortable with being alone... I don't think I'm built that way. I can tolerate it, which is important... but I don't have to like it.
Time to shut my eyes and get a sensible night's sleep.
Goodnight you lovely people.
H
3/27/11
Let me start by saying that if you are in any way related to me... STOP READING. I am going to write about some steamy stuff (I think) and I really don't need parents or siblings involved. Or, if you are going to read this... I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT!
So, let's get into it shall we? Let me start by saying how much I love the opposite sex. Women are so freaking sexy it ridiculous. The female body is fawking hawt! I don't care if you're some blonde bombshell from the pages of Playboy, a librarian type, or even a punky hipster chick, you all RAWK! Serious, nothing turns me on more than a woman who is confident in who she is and what she wants.
More importantly, how she wants it. See? Steamy. I'm surious. There is nothing finer than a woman how knows what she needs and isn't afraid to tell you. In fact, I always welcome it. Seriously, YOLD readers, whether you're a guy or a girl, you know what you like best. There is nothing worse than when a woman decides to perform some BJ or HJ business, but then grabs hold like she's shifting gears in the classic arcade game Pole Position or latches on like a cheese grater. When that happens, guys, you gotta chime in and help out. Show or tell the lady what you need. And ladies don't be offended if you do need said help.
Same goes for the guys. Don't be afraid to ask or just encourage a woman to show what she likes. I don't know how it is for most guys, but for me, I'm not happy unless she's happy. I'm a selfless lover in that way. Of course, I like to be taken care of, but part of that comes from watching her get taken care of... I feel so groovy talking about this (like touchy/feely therapist from 1976 who smokes grass).
I don't like to stop until she gets enough. But the clock is always ticking for us guys because once we blow, we're done... the wind is let out of the sails. This is why I am a big proponent of the make-out session which then leads to other things, and other things, and finally... THAT thing. I feel my needs as a man can come last on the priority list (although simultaneously is also pretty amazing). Women can go and go and go, so you gotta make sure she's getting something out of the experience before you poop out.
I think I've gotten good at being able to tell the legit pleasure from the phoning it in kind. There is a moment I've seen a few times while in the heat of passion... a moment where I feel both myself and the woman I'm with are suddenly just dialed into what's happening. Up until then there is a lot of lip smashing, touching, exploring, etc.... but there is that ultimate sense of fumbling around and trying to determine how far we're going to take it. Then, the moment happens. When we both have given ourselves over to the sex that's occurring. There is a facial expression I've seen on a couple women... to me, that must be the face of real pleasure. It's this sort of hazed, glazed eye, focused demeanor that just says "let's do this!" And men can make the same face to. It's the face of "I'm no longer thinking about what I'm doing and I am now just doing it".
That's the moment you want. There is a rhythm that's happening and you are just fawking in it! It's awesome.
And just to put more icing on the sex cake. Ladies, if you are going to attempt the hawt sexy talk (a la porn star dialogue) you best be confident with what you're saying to us. I've heard dirty talk from girls who are just seeing if they can do it, but it's not very believable, because the girl herself doesn't even believe it... she's just trying to give you what she thinks you want. I've heard women who dirty talk and know who to sell it... and I am here to say - BRAVO!!!
So, my dear YOLD readers - go forth and bone like you mean it. I mean REALLY mean it!
Time for bed!
Hless
So, let's get into it shall we? Let me start by saying how much I love the opposite sex. Women are so freaking sexy it ridiculous. The female body is fawking hawt! I don't care if you're some blonde bombshell from the pages of Playboy, a librarian type, or even a punky hipster chick, you all RAWK! Serious, nothing turns me on more than a woman who is confident in who she is and what she wants.
More importantly, how she wants it. See? Steamy. I'm surious. There is nothing finer than a woman how knows what she needs and isn't afraid to tell you. In fact, I always welcome it. Seriously, YOLD readers, whether you're a guy or a girl, you know what you like best. There is nothing worse than when a woman decides to perform some BJ or HJ business, but then grabs hold like she's shifting gears in the classic arcade game Pole Position or latches on like a cheese grater. When that happens, guys, you gotta chime in and help out. Show or tell the lady what you need. And ladies don't be offended if you do need said help.
Same goes for the guys. Don't be afraid to ask or just encourage a woman to show what she likes. I don't know how it is for most guys, but for me, I'm not happy unless she's happy. I'm a selfless lover in that way. Of course, I like to be taken care of, but part of that comes from watching her get taken care of... I feel so groovy talking about this (like touchy/feely therapist from 1976 who smokes grass).
I don't like to stop until she gets enough. But the clock is always ticking for us guys because once we blow, we're done... the wind is let out of the sails. This is why I am a big proponent of the make-out session which then leads to other things, and other things, and finally... THAT thing. I feel my needs as a man can come last on the priority list (although simultaneously is also pretty amazing). Women can go and go and go, so you gotta make sure she's getting something out of the experience before you poop out.
I think I've gotten good at being able to tell the legit pleasure from the phoning it in kind. There is a moment I've seen a few times while in the heat of passion... a moment where I feel both myself and the woman I'm with are suddenly just dialed into what's happening. Up until then there is a lot of lip smashing, touching, exploring, etc.... but there is that ultimate sense of fumbling around and trying to determine how far we're going to take it. Then, the moment happens. When we both have given ourselves over to the sex that's occurring. There is a facial expression I've seen on a couple women... to me, that must be the face of real pleasure. It's this sort of hazed, glazed eye, focused demeanor that just says "let's do this!" And men can make the same face to. It's the face of "I'm no longer thinking about what I'm doing and I am now just doing it".
That's the moment you want. There is a rhythm that's happening and you are just fawking in it! It's awesome.
And just to put more icing on the sex cake. Ladies, if you are going to attempt the hawt sexy talk (a la porn star dialogue) you best be confident with what you're saying to us. I've heard dirty talk from girls who are just seeing if they can do it, but it's not very believable, because the girl herself doesn't even believe it... she's just trying to give you what she thinks you want. I've heard women who dirty talk and know who to sell it... and I am here to say - BRAVO!!!
So, my dear YOLD readers - go forth and bone like you mean it. I mean REALLY mean it!
Time for bed!
Hless
3/23/11-3/26/11
Yup! Another lapse.... what do you want from me? It's not like the world has come to an end just because I haven't posted an entry in a few days. As I always say... shit's busy.
I am writing to from the city where the neon lights will inspire you.... NYC. Another one of my weekend trips for work. I'm currently sitting in my room at the London Hotel listening to some local radio (side note: something about an NYC hip hop station... they know how to tear it up). I'm convinced that someone in L.A. should broadcast an NYC radio show on the weekends. There is an energy and vibe to it that just makes you want to stay up late.
So what's tonight? It's a night for deep thought and taking stock. Thinking about the last few weeks. The amount of work I'm dealing with and the amount of romance I'm undertaking. I am a man transformed by his experiences. Looking inward at what it is I'm putting out into the world.
I do that a lot with my writing - I'll try some play on words and think I'm witty.
I almost don't know what to write anymore.
I think I should just get a good night's sleep for once. Tomorrow night will be a late one, so I need to sleep in and then get caught up on work.
God damn, women can be so damn sexy.... nuff said.
Goodnight, sleeping beauties!
I am writing to from the city where the neon lights will inspire you.... NYC. Another one of my weekend trips for work. I'm currently sitting in my room at the London Hotel listening to some local radio (side note: something about an NYC hip hop station... they know how to tear it up). I'm convinced that someone in L.A. should broadcast an NYC radio show on the weekends. There is an energy and vibe to it that just makes you want to stay up late.
So what's tonight? It's a night for deep thought and taking stock. Thinking about the last few weeks. The amount of work I'm dealing with and the amount of romance I'm undertaking. I am a man transformed by his experiences. Looking inward at what it is I'm putting out into the world.
I do that a lot with my writing - I'll try some play on words and think I'm witty.
I almost don't know what to write anymore.
I think I should just get a good night's sleep for once. Tomorrow night will be a late one, so I need to sleep in and then get caught up on work.
God damn, women can be so damn sexy.... nuff said.
Goodnight, sleeping beauties!
3/22/11
YOLD readers beware.... I've got a fever... and it ain't more cowbell.
Alls I'm saying is right now my theme song is this:
I don't know what it is right now, but I hope this feeling stays with me. It's gotta be too good to last right?
I think life should be a Loverboy song... there is a sense of wonderment, that anything is possible - like this may be our last night on earth, so let's make the most of it dollface... yes, it's very 80s - but like everything else in the 80s... its oh so grand.
Be the music or even the films of the time, there was a sense of cinematic grandeur (is that an expression?)... especially when it came to love. I know I was very idealistic. I believed as a teenager that my life could unfold like a movie and at the end of it all I would be the one who ended up with Amanda Peterson in Can't Buy Love.
I miss that innocence, but I don't miss the anxiety. The fear of acting on what I felt. As Big Pun said "I'm not a playa I just crush a lot". Of course, he was referring to sex when he said "crush" and lest we forget he was the one whose dick could not be measured with six rulers (or so he claimed). I am a notorious crusher (in the crush sense of the word - like schoolyard crush). I think women are great - especially ones whose personality have something to offer... and so the crush begins.
I love the opposite sex - they're awesome while at the same time impossible to decode. I'm enamored and perplexed -- they are an enigma wrapped in an anomaly inside a conundrum.
I'm rambling on... I'm tired - long night (long fun night)
xoxo
Yours truly!
Alls I'm saying is right now my theme song is this:
I don't know what it is right now, but I hope this feeling stays with me. It's gotta be too good to last right?
I think life should be a Loverboy song... there is a sense of wonderment, that anything is possible - like this may be our last night on earth, so let's make the most of it dollface... yes, it's very 80s - but like everything else in the 80s... its oh so grand.
Be the music or even the films of the time, there was a sense of cinematic grandeur (is that an expression?)... especially when it came to love. I know I was very idealistic. I believed as a teenager that my life could unfold like a movie and at the end of it all I would be the one who ended up with Amanda Peterson in Can't Buy Love.
I miss that innocence, but I don't miss the anxiety. The fear of acting on what I felt. As Big Pun said "I'm not a playa I just crush a lot". Of course, he was referring to sex when he said "crush" and lest we forget he was the one whose dick could not be measured with six rulers (or so he claimed). I am a notorious crusher (in the crush sense of the word - like schoolyard crush). I think women are great - especially ones whose personality have something to offer... and so the crush begins.
I love the opposite sex - they're awesome while at the same time impossible to decode. I'm enamored and perplexed -- they are an enigma wrapped in an anomaly inside a conundrum.
I'm rambling on... I'm tired - long night (long fun night)
xoxo
Yours truly!
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