First of all, this isn't the grand posting I'm currently working on... it's going to take some time. Sorry, just the way it is - don't want to rush it.
So, how have you been? Me? Just dandy... with the exception of that I can't seem to find what I want. Or what I want can't seem to find me... one of those.
To be honest - I'm a little bummed about a girl - not because I was in love or anything, but because I was simply enjoying the time I spent with her (and if you read this blog on the regular you know I likes me some time spending with a dame). It didn't last long enough for it to evolve into something more than some good hang time and great sex, but then again that could very well be by design. Who knows? I actually believed her when she told me that she had also been seeing someone else and they decided to be exclusive. I actually didn't have a problem with that. I mean, sure, if I had my choice I would have liked to have continued what we had, but I would never begrudge someone their pursuit of their own happiness. The heart wants what the heart wants...
I was OK with it... until a female friend of mine told me that was a commonly used excuse to get out of something - WHAT?! Could that be? Could the girl I had been enjoying time with decided she had enough and this was simply her excuse to get out of it? Now way... I'm a catch - who would do such a thing to a catch? That's sarcasm btw. I know I'm not perfect. And I know that when I find something I like, I tend to pursue it more. I guess the risk in that is you could end up pushing away that which you are pursuing.
I'll never know the real truth - be it one or the other. I also hate losing ... and no matter how you slice it in this case... I lost. All's fair in the pursuit. Plus, I've done my share of it to women, so it's only fair it happen to me as well. I can't always be the ladies choice.
I will say this though, I do hate when a woman you like doesn't reciprocate or, in this case, just opts out, but then tells you how great you are. Oh I am, am I? Well, clearly I'm not, because if I were we would still be fucking wouldn't we?
I probably deserved it - I mean, I literally had just stepped away from another girl for MY own reasons and she could very well be asking herself these same questions because of what I did. And trust me, I had my reasons... it doesn't matter though - rejection is no fun no matter who it happens to.
Look, I know life goes on - I know I'll continue to meet women. I do stand by the belief that it's a numbers game. Just keep putting it out there and experiencing it (the good and the bad) and hopefully one day you'll find it. In fact, the weird part is (and the newest thing emotionally that I'm experiencing) is that I find I can move on even in light of feeling shitty. Like, I'm bummed about this one girl, but it's not keeping me from asking another girl out. It's hard to describe, but it used to be I would pine for a girl, find she had no interest, and then continue pursuing it. Now, sure I acknowledge how I feel, but I'm genuinely able to redirect my attention to someone new. In fact, I met a cute girl last weekend, asked her out, got rejected, and I'm fine with it... on to the next. And it's only because I've proven to myself that there are plenty of women out there who will say "yes". So? If someone says "no"... well then... we move on. But remember, that "no" may not come right away. She may say "yes" at first, go out a few times, then decide "no". I know I've done it and, like I said, it's only fair that it happened to me as well.
I hope this makes sense. To the girls I rejected, I'm sorry - It's not personal. To the girls who rejected me...WTF?!!?! Just kidding. To them I say thank you for what fun we did have. I'm sorry I wasn't what you wanted and I hope you find what you are looking for.
Have a great night everybody. Good night to the girl who got under my skin just a teeny bit. And remember....
Heartless.
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