2/7/11

Communication stinks....


I stink....


The whole God damn machine stinks.


I don't know how I'm suppose to continue to do this.  I have so many pre-existing conditions...


41, divorced, and with kids is no way to go through life, son

I have no regrets when it comes to my kids, but I will continue to feel undesirable until someone makes me feel otherwise... that's just how I roll.  I'm sensitive to the fact that I have many rivers to cross before I think there is even a shot at something.


Those rivers?  In no particular order... however, they tend to all run together as such:


"I'm 41 - yeah, I know I don't look it."
"Oh, yeah. I'm divorced... about a year and a half ago."
"I have two kids."


So on and so forth... If I manage not to have the woman run screaming from the room, then perhaps there is a chance at moving ahead.  But the problem is it lends itself to more questioning.  It almost kills the chance of anything organic happening because now the woman has to ask herself the following:


"Do I want to go out with a 41 year old divorcee with kids?"


Fair question and almost always leading to these little gems:


"Gosh, do you think you'd want to get married again?"
"Gosh, do you think you'd want to have more kids?"


Now, those are reserved for younger women who have yet to do any of those things... but still, once that line of questioning starts there isn't much I can do as far as my sensitivity.  I've been burned by this before, so when a woman leads with it my defenses go up and I know that at any given second she can change her mind about the whole thing regardless of what she thinks of me as a person.


MY OPNION?  You could ask that married/kids question to any man whether he's been through it or not and I think there isn't much more or less of a chance at getting what you want.  You can ask a 27 year old that question, get a yes to both, and after 6 months of dating he may realize he doesn't want either of those things with the person he's been seeing.  I think the relationship ultimately determines what's possible.  Maybe a guy who says no to both ends up changing his mind because he's experiencing a relationship he never has before and it's opened up his world to new things... Like I've said before... there are no absolutes.


The most important part of all this is something I referred to in my past post -- that of emotional accountability.  I don't want to sit here and make it seem like it's all the other person's fault and I'm just the innocent in all this with my sad little violin solo.  I know I have my baggage, my shortcomings, my ingrained behavior, my mental world in which I live, my......


Am I manifesting this destiny or am I just so intuitive that I can easily read between the lines?


I believe in honesty, but I'm as guilty as the next person for not always being honest and instead taking the easy way out.


We fear honesty because we are then held to it when we are.  Once you've come clean there is nothing more to say.  There is a reason the expression "the truth will set you free" exists, because it will, but it can also lead to more problems.  So, at the same time I understand why people need to hold back the truth


Words are simply what we use to mask what we are truly feeling inside.  We struggle to get through each day without revealing too much of our inner turmoil.  When someone asks how you're doing, you say "I'm fine", but little do they know what you're dealing with in your life.


There was always that teacher in grade school who you just hated.  He or she was mean and not very patient.  And perhaps becoming a teacher wasn't the best choice for that person... BUT, that teacher is a person and Lord knows what they go home to and struggle with everyday - we have to look beyond the surface people, behind the eyes and understand that there is more to everyone.


We are our own worst enemies and our heads are almost always in conflict with hearts... they say go with your gut... but what fun is there in that?


I really need to stop eating this cookie dough.


...and in closing

2/6/11

If love were a roll of Pillsbury cookie dough, I'd eat the whole thing and hopefully not get salmonella.

As you were.

2/5/11

Emotional Accountability.....

I like the sound of those words together... Why?  I think it says a lot about people and how they approach dating and relationships.

From what I can tell, people in general don't want to be held accountable or their part in a failed anything... be it a chance encounter, first date, one month relationship, and so on.  The truth is the responsibility falls on both participants when it comes to whether or not two people (or more if you're into that sort of thing) works out.  I can say with all degree of certainty that my marriage did not last because of contributing factors from both husband and wife.  While the two of us continue to wrestle with the changes we've had to make in our lives by no longer being together, we rarely get into blaming each other as to why it didn't work.  We both hold ourselves accountable for what transpired.

What's my point?

Look we are all imperfect and it's safe to assume that we all mishandle a situation from time-to-time.  The key is... is the person who you feel has wronged you done so with intent or not.  Was it done because he or she is mean-spirited?  I think those things are pretty easy to determine.  I know that I continue to learn a lot about myself as I continue to date and pursue... Like I may have hinted at in other posts, I think I get ahead of myself and need to learn to let things take their course... I need to slow it down.  This is how I hold myself accountable when things don't pan out... hey, can I help it if I get excited when I meet a cool chick? :p

Additionally, I expect the same from the other person.  Spend less time blaming and making assumptions and simply ask yourself..."well, why didn't that work out?"  Granted there are guys out there who are insensitive and mean and could care less about who they hurt... same goes for girls... I know I'm not one of these people...  My intent is never to purposely hurt or be mean to somebody.  But everything plays out as it should and the world keeps turning.

Done and DONE!

2/4/11

A friend sent this to me... Yes, it's about 20 minutes long, but so interesting and it reflects what I was talking about before hand.  It really expresses what I was striving to get at.  It discusses the subject of choices and relates to just about everything from the smart phone we purchase to the girl or guy we choose to date... It articulates the dilemma I was having and the ultimate disappointment I was coming up against.



The solution?  I think it's don't "try" and seek out your choices when it comes to love and relationships, let them find you and then act accordingly.  In going on a dating website or even giving yourself the task of seeking someone out will result in too many choices.  Live your life and choices will present themselves to you.


So far so good...


Thank you to the person who sent me this.... you rule.


Lateski!

2/3/11

I find the topic of gender to quite interesting.  I read recently that there are findings that when it comes to the subject of relationships that the roles have indeed begun to flip.  A new study is suggesting that men are seeking out relationships while women are inclined to retain their independence.

READ THIS NOW!

Now, as I've mentioned in the past, I don't think there are absolutes in life... and there is almost always an exception to the rule.  As we drive ahead through life, we are an evolving species.  Where once we were found when it came to relationships, I feel we've since become lost... but in time I believe we will find our way back home. I don't believe myself to be old fashioned... I'm reasonable.

I'm not a chauvinist and I believe in women's rights -- we are a male dominated society in one respect, but believe it to be otherwise in other respects... life is not one thing.... What I DON'T believe in?  Extremism in any way shape or form for either gender.  I believe and have talked about life being a balance... too much of anything is not a good thing and that is across the board in my opinion - these are not new ideas and I don't profess to be a new voice in this... this is my two cents.

What am I saying... cripes if I know.

Here is what I'd like to do... I want you all to read the article above, gather your thoughts on relationships and what you think the ideal dynamic is between a man and a woman.  email it to me at:

yearoflovingdangerously@gmail.com

Those who are my immediate family (parents and siblings) are disqualified... 

Lastly, I would like to be able to post quotes from the responses I get but will do so anonymously... please let me know in your email if it's OK to share.

Look, this will be fun to see what happens. I may get a lot of responses, a few responses... or even no responses...  we shall see, but I like to notion of trying to interact a bit on theYOLD.

So go for it... tell me what you think about all this gender reversal in the relationship game.

Sayonara!

2/2/11

Due to crappy wireless service at my hotel, I was prevented from writing a mini masterpiece for this entry... NOW, you must suffer through this rushed, half-assed cockamamie stoof!

Here was my big thought on my drive home this morning...

As I continue to weigh in on my "complaints" about theYOLD and what my life is lacking I've come to realize some of what's preventing the forward momentum I seek in the department of relationships (sounds like some government agency).

When we're young, the world of options seems a lot smaller - combine it with an idealistic view of love and the pursuit of "the one" and we tend to really latch on to that first guy or girl that gets our juices flowing.  It's during this time we buy into the belief of destiny and "meant to be"... As you become older, wiser, and divorced, you are then thrust back out into that world of meeting and seeking... but you soon realize that there are plenty of people that can get the juices flowing and can stimulate you intellectually (and physically, of course).


I think the problem is there is too much product out there (I don't mean that in a derogatory sense towards either gender)... But, the truth is there are a lot of great men and women with lots to offer... think of it like boxes of cereal.  I mean I love me some Fruity Pebbles, but some good ol Frosty Flakes will do the trick too.  And don't forget Bran Flakes if you're into healthy options as well... they're all good, they all have their benefits.


I think part of what I'm facing is that I can meet a really cool girl, turn around, and there's another one... and another one?  Holy shit... another one...


This entry isn't intended to answer the question or to tell you what I think is right or wrong about this idea... but, I know that I really enjoy meeting people and I really enjoy meeting different types of people... and one isn't necessarily better than the other.... they're just different. So, how does one choose?  I would think women are vexed with this dilemma since they have guys throwing themselves at them from all different directions.  How do you do it?... you just have a type and go with it?  I guess that would make sense... I don't think I have a type... I really do like all sorts of women.  If you were to rundown the women I've hung out with over the course of the last year-and-a-half you'd have difficulty fitting me into any sort of "type" box.... as Sandra Bullock once proclaimed, "the profile doesn't fit the profile" -- and if indeed there were some common thread, it sure wouldn't be obvious from the outside... you'd probably have to spend time talking to each one, getting to know them and then perhaps you'd find some common thread that ties them all together.


Would be interesting to see if that were the case.


Hmmmmm, this concept is going to require more thought...
..............Buh-bye

2/1/11

I'm hard pressed to figure out what to write... but I'm cool with that.


I have few minutes to ponder things before delving into my work (which there is a lot of)... I'm slightly hungover from pizza and bourbon and I have a drive to Santa Barbara to look forward to later today.... time is not on my side this AM.


Cripes!!!!  What to do.... what to do... 


Ah FUCK IT!!!!